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To Whom it may Concern:
It is my sincere belief that public opinion knows better than any court of law what to do with societies transgressors. (I was also one of the first celebs to post a black square as well as donate to BLM during the summer of 2020 before finding out we weren’t helping out in doing so at which point I retracted support and handed my social media platforms to a charming young man from Inglewood for a day.)
The punishments which you have administered to me, dear public, are nothing short of poetic.
Thank you for tilling the soil of my soul with your humiliations. They have deepened me far beyond what the judicial system, with its impersonal touch, could ever hope for.
Particularly, I’d like to thank the young red haired woman (I have not caught her name) who so bravely threw her menstrual blood into my face as I descended the courthouse steps on that fateful day of sentencing. Thank you for clarifying, young red haired woman, that the shouts from the crowds on that particular Los Angeles afternoon were not shouts of support for my still-redeemable soul, nor were they fans thanking me for years of laughter in their living rooms. They were shouts of pure hate. Your intimate liquids, as they trickled into my nose, made this all too evident.
I am ashamed to say I needed such a clarification, but until that moment I was still under [TV Network's] spell. A network not of television but of SPIDERS who cunningly ensnared me in their corporate cobweb and ultimately - yes - made me kill Chadwick. But more on that next time.
Yours,
Laurence Corman Alagati
Actor & Inmate #498287