haunted_comedy

So today at the grocery store checkout line they ask me if I would like to make a donation to kids with cancer. And behind me stood a very hot babe. In fact, I’d scoped her out in the aisles earlier and timed my checkout accordingly. She wore nurses scrubs, but this didn’t stop me from seeing the promises underneath that baby blue cotton. I was planning on striking up a convo. But what I hadn’t accounted for was the cancer kids question.

Now; my first impulse was to just say No, like everyone. But we’re talking about a nurse! I needed to show virtue…

“Then again,” I think, “consider how pathetically transparent this virtue signal will come across to my nurse, who has definitely taken notice of my my needy, hungry eyes by now…”

“Then again,” I thought, why should poor children - actual kids somewhere! - suffer MORE on account of me wanting to impress the nurse by not impressing her or whatever?? My nurse, of all people, certainly would not want to get in the way of these kids and my money!

No, the only truly virtuous thing to do was to make the donation, yes, but receive ZERO credit in her eyes for doing so. If anyone would be able to appreciate my act of true and silent nobility, it would be my nurse, who waits as patiently as a flower for me to answer the cashiers damned question.

“Sir, would you to make the donation or…? You can just press no on the machine,” repeats the cashier.

“Yes, actually, I’d like to donate 75 dollars,” I say.

The whole grocery store goes silent. This is a rare occurrence. The Nurse smiles at me. SHE SMILES AT ME. The rest of my life could be nice now. But.

“Just one question,” I ask, before handing my credit card to the cashier, “Can can I fuck em first?”

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